The College Diet

I promised everyone that I would post some better dieting tips, since most dieting plans are simply just unreasonable. However, instead of teaching you how to "portion" (I still think this is a myth), how to "reduce calories" and how to lose weight - I am going to teach you how to save money, something more important, I think. There are five important staples in the College Diet - all very essential for a successful college experience.

• Coffee/Redbull (Well Just Caffeine in General) - There is really only one way to make it through a paper, a night of studying or to stay awake long enough to get extra partying in on a Friday night - caffeine. When you start to feel your eyelids weighing themselves down, attempting to force you into sleep, just drink more caffeine. Sleep is only necessary after college, there is really no way to fit in partying, video games, movie watching, concerts, football games, basketball games and homework without losing tons of sleep (studies saying loss of sleep during college can reduce life expectancy are just stupid). So there is a simple fix, fill in sleep with caffeine. Since Redbull isn't cheap and we are all broke, there is also a drink known as Rhino. Rhino is a much cheaper version of Redbull (MUCH CHEAPER) which tastes very similar and gets the job done (great for Jager bombs, since you are drunk anyway and won't notice any taste difference!).
• Spaghetti - None of us have any money, and if you do - stop reading this blog and go buy a personal trainer or something because you obviously don't need my help. Anyway, something that is perfect for college life is spaghetti. It costs like 1-2$ per box of spaghetti or linguine or rigatoni or whatever etti, ine, or oni noodles you prefer. It is also really inexpensive to buy marinara sauce to top these delicious carbohydrates. And that is also why they are such an important staple - carbs. What better way to prepare for exams and the day than cheap and delicious carbs. My roommate successfully eats like six boxes of spaghetti a day and he is always full of energy (it could just be that he is an idiot, but I am going to go with the spaghetti).
• Chicken - Spaghetti can't be the only thing in your diet because you must have some protein in your diet. Frozen chicken breasts are the perfect solution, cheap, delicious, high in protein and low in fat. The only problem is once you eat your 178th chicken breast in one semester, it doesn't seem to taste like chicken anymore - more like tofu or soy because the flavor is just blehhh. However, there is a fix for this. Hot sauce, chicken seasonings and more hot sauce. Which brings me to my next staple...
• Hot Sauce - There isn't much I really need to say about this necessity... it is just awesome. Hot sauce can make boring chicken better, pizza taste better, rice taste better... the list just goes on forever really. (Crystal hot sauce is a very good choice, not too hot and full of flavor).
• Natty Light - This beer is incredibly cheap and I like the taste (well sort of)! You really can't go wrong when you can purchase thirty of these beers for between 11.99$ and 13.99$... you really can't beat that with any other beer (except for Keystone which kind of tastes like metal). Since you can't really go through college without drinking about twelve hundred or so beers, Natty Light should become a staple in every College home, apartment or dorm. So take my word for it, once you have a few, you really won't notice the difference in taste between this and a PREMIUM!(not really, all American yellow beers are crap) Bud Light. It is also low in calories!

It really is not easy to eat healthy in college, since healthy foods are usually more expensive and more difficult to prepare. When time and money are an essence, take my advice and stock your place with spaghetti, natty light, frozen chicken, coffee and hot sauce. You won't be disappointed, and you can just run off the extra calories at the gym - because you are obviously going, doesn't every college student? And you can use this calorie calculator to see how far you must run to beer off the seventeen Natty Lights you drank the night before. Diet complete.

Also... look into buying a Natty Caddy

Plus I found this new blog on dating advice from women for men... seems pretty funny so far, this post was pretty funny (it was too long so I haven't read it all yet, but she called the post Kardashian sized, big butt, get it? funny right...) Anyway, I figure a lot of College students really need dating advice so I think my next post will be about the - I don't want to date you, I just want to "hang out" until we can't have sex and just be friends anymore, that pretty much every college male employs at one point or another.